Tips for Being a Caregiver With Innovative Health Solutions including Stages of Caregiving

This reading is for you or for someone you love to understand they are not alone and life can improve. Whether you are a dementia caregiver, alzheimer caregiver, companion caregiver, hospice caregiver, live-in caregiver, family caregiver, a professional caregiver or caregiving for someone recovering from a procedure in an acute situation there can be daily happiness in your life. It is important to identify what stage you are at in your journey of caregiving. Once identified you have the knowledge of what is to come and what you have already been through. Knowledge is powerful and knowing what is going on can give you time to plan, process and feel good about your situation. Caregiving involves more than a single person, often two people but it could be more people. Caregiving can include the whole family.

Relationships are key. Building a support system means being able to identify you are not the Fire Person running around putting out emergency situations all the time; we Caregivers often feel like our purpose is to be putting out fires all the time to try to bring normality to life. This is the stage I often come to support the situation. We are all perfect exactly in the moments we are in. Each moment has its own lessons and purpose for happening for us. We caregivers often feel victimized and as if things are happening to us however my clients gain the understanding that we call life moments to ourselves and can change our reality quickly with the right practices.

I will touch on boundaries, things you can control and self care. Congratulate yourself for reading this to the end, celebrate the small moments in life, You Deserve the life your Heart desires.

Pre caregiving

This is an autonomy relationship. It is important to understand where your relationship started before the caregiving role happened. Things will not always get harder when relationships role change but often is the case. It is human nature to resist change. Identify the starting point in all relationships. Before an illness or disability was introduced to a relationship was it a trusting and caring relationship, where there lies and betrayals, or maybe somewhere in between.

As a caregiver goes through the roles of caregiving things can always improve but the amount of support plays a key factor in improving relationships. Some relationships will improve and become better than before any role changes were required to take place, this can depend directly on the amount of support provided to either party during each stage. In this stage things are normal in your relationship. Everyone takes care of themselves independently. This doesn’t mean that a wife isn’t doing more for her husband or vice versa but once stages start shifting so will the relationship dynamics. Ask yourself how do we deal with conflict? How do we talk about difficult topics? How much privacy does everyone like?

Ambiguous Helper

After the pre caregiver stage is the ambiguous helper stage. At this stage often we don’t know if caregiving is going on or just helping out a little. Sometimes there will be a diagnosis of illness or disease by a doctor but sometimes we are only suspicious that something isn’t right with our loved one. You may be thinking now about sharing this reading with someone you love because we sometimes can be last to have clarity of self awareness. It is true that things are different when looking from a different perspective, outsiders don’t have the whole picture and can see a different perspective.

Regardless when a diagnosis happens there is still concern about how much help is being given. Should you be taking the car keys away or not? This is a time to really start diving into education. Time to get some advice from the professionals. There is no way around getting clear on do’s and don’t. This comes with experience and support. Start from exactly where you are, reach out for support.

I’m Caregiver

This can feel a little like a reality check stage. You feel responsible now with a ‘job’ to do but still learning about the role change. Less persuasion and more jumping into helping. Less work arounds situations and more knowing this is an illness or disability and now you will start building experience. Now you are getting into problem solving.

This is a stage to decide your relationship. Is it to teach others what you think is right, are you feeling obligated? Has the communication pathway been changed? You might know that your loved one needs more time than you have to give because you could still be working. It’s time to start building your support team. Support isn’t only for your loved one but you also will require your own support to turn to. Get real on why you are doing this caregiving role, what is driving me to do this.

Representative

You know you are wearing many hats now. Often you are carrying most of the responsibility of the relationship. You are often holding onto the relationship hard and becoming the advocate for your loved one. Make a pie chart and label out your responsibilities; for example, mother, spouse, nanny, nurse, taxi, housekeeper, cook and maybe financially responsible for family as well. Sometimes here we also start realizing we are getting closer to the end of the relationship we once had.

This stage can be more quiet than the ones mentioned before. You become something like a lighthouse in a storm. You are grounded and watching sometimes for the next fire you feel the need to be putting out all the time. This stage is a balancing act. You recognize the changes in the life your loved one requires but can feel torn between leaving them to live their own life, make bad decisions or good, and trying to protect them from self harm.

Grieving

In this stage of being a caregiver you realize that the relationship you once had is gone. This doesn’t mean the relationship is over, just that things have changed. Having self awareness can allow the relationship going forward to be stronger than it has been to this point. If you are caring for an acute issue it may not be the end of the past known relationship forever however, anything can happen. Miracles can happen. Hold onto hope. We have the ability to change our reality around us as there are unlimited possibilities for our future.

Boundaries

Boundaries are like an imaginary line separating your needs from other’s needs. Boundaries are a form of self care and will protect you emotionally and physically. There are different types of boundaries for example material, physical, mental, spiritual and emotional for the caregivers.

Material boundaries are expectations of how your belongings are treated by you or others. Money, clothes, electronics, doors in your home, or anything material that you own.

Physical boundaries include privacy, space and your body.

Mental boundaries are related to your values and things you believe in.

Emotional boundaries affect your feelings and emotions.

Boundaries will require you to get to know yourself, put yourself first, feel like you are worthy and will take practice to implement. This is very difficult to move forward with alone. This doesn’t mean you will be required to pay for support but finding the support that works for you is worth investing in. After getting to know yourself better (this is a life long journey that never ends) we can look at this in our control.

Things in Your Control

Daily Routines

Sometimes caregivers spend so much time putting out fires or to say it another way, caregivers are quick on their feet to deal with whatever emergency situation comes up. Accidents happen and it often felt to me that my whole purpose was to run around behind loved ones who required support, finishing things for them and keeping them safe. Once you get into the groove of daily routine your physical body goes into autopilot. Having your body in autopilot allows for less thinking and results in less stress. Having your clothing laid out the night before can also be a great routine to start that will give you just a little more time in the mornings to start your day off on the right foot.

It is time to start thinking about you first. Time to start taking your control back. It is ok if things don’t get finished and sometimes our loved ones need to fall before they can start standing more independently on their own. Start by identifying daily routines you already have, for example brushing your teeth, getting out of bed, going to bed, laundry and eating meals. It is not necessary for these routines to be set at a given time. The purpose of this is to help you build more peace into your life starting from exactly where you are now.

Next let's look at some routines you would like to have in your life. Once we have habit identified and new habits we would like to incorporate we look at habit stacking, how can we add a new habit to the action of the habit already established. We cover in the ‘self care’ section this in more detail so you may want to come back to this later. Examples of daily routines you might want to add to your routine could look like : social time with friends or breakfast or lunch if you sometimes miss eating though the day ( I know I used to). Maybe yoga or meditation is something we would like to add for ourselves and we can find moments to add that when we are brushing our teeth.

Now we will look at the two lists and see where it is possible to habit stack. This is where you will identify a daily routine, as mentioned, brushing your teeth, and add or stack another routine onto it, for example exercise in the form of leg lifts (aka yoga without the structure, lol, don’t be hard on yourself and be ok with exactly where you are in every moment you are in). It is important to identify these things in writing so you can refer back to them. Start slow and stay steady at it. Add one routine at a time until you build a habit. You know what they say, ‘slow and steady wins the race’.

Independence

Once I first identified with being a caregiver I felt an overwhelming need to protect my loved ones at all cost. I didn’t understand that keeping them safe by saying ‘no’ to independence was doing more harm than good. Let me try to explain.

If your loved one has a desire to make their own meals or go out to social settings by themselves and you refuse their requests it could set their recovery/rehab backwards. Keep in mind the safety of your loved one but you can not live the life they have been given for them. I have experienced situations with others where the cared individual has cut themselves and needed stitches or has been abandoned by younger teens in the dangerously cold road having to walk for miles to safety. These situations could have ended in death. Death is something out of your control, so nothing to worry about.

Every situation is different and safety should be a priority in giving loved ones independence, freedom to live their life they see fit. Find someone with experience to talk to about your fairness in setting boundaries with your loved ones independence. Let me tell you another story.

Let's call the individual being cared for Susan and her caregiving mother Rose to protect their identity. Susan is in her 20s and has been struggling with traumatic brain injury for years and it leads to substance addiction. The substance use continues to get worse. Rose can not lock the young adult in the basement and refuses to kick her out of the house out of fear that Susan would overdose. Years pass and things escalate to Rose now putting herself in danger because Susan is now using substances inside the house and Rose is experiencing side effects from substance use. At this point Susan is kicked out and gets herself into a life and death situation. Rose comes to the rescue and Susan then begins a sober path.

It could have happened that Susan died but again death is out of anyone's control. Mistakes made are human and it is a good way for people to learn about things they want and things they don’t want. As a caregiver you too will make mistakes and that is ok. Mistakes become a part of the past and we can learn from them.

Emotional State

Mind over matter, if you don’t mind it doesn’t matter. Drama repeated a lot in my caregiving days. I had to do something before the emotions that were happening would cause disease in my life. Well actually I developed fibroids that some say was caused by the stress in my life but I finally found something that helped. Being the ‘rehab addict’ I had become I found the newest science available on dealing with emotional stress and I will share it with, just ask.

By the age of 35 years old our subconscious has already programmed our body to feel a certain way. The body will physically crave the hormonal release associated with certain emotions, both positive or higher vibrational or negative or lower vibrational. It is possible that you are unaware that you are addicted to a life you don’t even like. Working on controlling your emotional state alone can be life changing and a course all on it’s own. The first step in reprogramming the subconscious to a new state is AWARENESS.

This means being excited every time you catch yourself reacting in a negative way. Yes you heard me correctly, celebrate your self awareness and over time you will catch yourself before the emotional upset reacts in you. Now you are on your way to a blissful new you. This is a practice and doesn’t come overnight for most people, teach yourself to become the observer of your life.

Meditation! Do you have an opinion? Something you enjoy, something you wish you could do or maybe something you roll your eyes at. This is not the easy answer but looking within yourself you will find the most answers. There are many different forms or meditation so get outside your comfort zone and let’s learn a new skill. The thing about your emotional state is that emotions are energy in motion and negative emotions can cause dis ease.

Self Care

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Self care requires its own section. I can not stress enough how important it is for you to prioritize Yourself.

Self Care

Caregiver can mean so many different things. I would generalize to define it as valuing and respecting your needs and feelings. Some jobs involve caregiving and some of those jobs really don’t come with the proper support or training. If you are a doctor or a nurse for example taking care of yourself is not always the priority in school however we all know life in the real world differs from the classroom. I am here to lay things out for you no matter what kind of Caregiver you are. Specifically I started caregiving at a young age when I got my first dog that depended on me to feed it and take it outside. Later I became a parent but more recently I started caregiving for family members with a disability and a palliative father who passed in 2012. Actually becoming a parent places you in a caregiving role. We often can feel like being a caregiver places us in situations where we are completely responsible for the actions of others, this is not the case.

It can be draining giving your energy away to help others. It’s important to take ME TIME but do you really know what it means or how much ME TIME to take. There are different aspects of our self that need to be addressed. Some Self Care or ME TIME can be for either physical, emotion or mental reasons or any mix of the three or all three. Let’s look at what it might look like for each one.

Physical Self Care

Our biological body works best when taken care of properly. To be at our optimal performance ability we must take care of our basic physical needs at best. You are what you eat so eating a healthy diet with minimal sugar intake should be on your list of priorities. Everyone's body has slightly different intake requirements so here you are your own walking chemistry experiment.

I always knew sleep was important. Becoming a caregiver gave me an inside look at how drastically sleep could impact your daily life. We all function at the level we do today and got there slowly over time. However I got an up close look at how sleep directly affects someone's ability to function at all, little alone functioning at optimal level. There are tips and tricks to improve your sleep we could discuss personally.

Move it or lose it! Have you ever heard that expression before? Our bodies require movement also known as exercise. Exercise can be understood by some people that we must go to the gym and workout routinely. Exercise can also mean just going for a walk with the dog or stretching. You can choose to stretch at any time of the day often or set a schedule and call it yoga practice, lol.

Now that we got diet, sleep and exercise covered we can’t forget the importance of bathing. Daily grooming can mean something different for everyone. Some people will wash their hair everyday while others will wash their hair once a week. You become your own biological experiment in this regard also. Things like brushing your teeth once, twice or three times a day including flossing and mouthwash is all up to you. All you really need to do is be self aware daily how it affects you.

Emotional Self Care

Self care emotionally can be learned. Our biological bodies do get into a cycle emotionally on a subconscious level. Help is often needed to break any negative emotional habits that you experience today. Asking for help is a great way to start. If your friend is also in a negative emotional place and it seems you often get into bitch sessions or drum up drama when together then it’s time to go to plan B.

Plan B could include searching out support groups. Build a support system using your family, friends and the community. If you are caregiving for someone with a disability you can almost always find a support group online or in the larger communities specifically for the disability the person you are caregiving for has. This gives you an opportunity to feel less alone. Be careful not to get sucked into a bad place.

Do something that makes you feel good. Things you like doing, things that bring joy to your life. I know first hand that being a caregiver you can become so involved with others you forget about the things that make you smile. If that is where you are today then start small. Find the joy in your heart in the little things you do like becoming self aware that a change is needed.

Mental Self Care

Balancing your obligations may mean building a routine or scheduling specifics in your life. Identify priorities in your life and build into a daily routine self care. Life used to be more filled with hustle and bustle it seems before COVID slowed life down for some of us. Now is the time to write out a list of your priorities and commit yourself to self care.

Controlling your mood will lower your mental chaos and fall under self care. Now it is true that your mood can be influenced by your emotions and vice versa. Learning how to start with a commitment to yourself and finding a mentor or coach to help you master yourself. Every time you catch yourself in a mood that is negative is a win for you. Training your brain to overcome what has already been programmed in your brain takes time. Celebrate the small wins and make the change in your mood when you think about it.

Limiting stress is one more way to practice self care. This doesn’t mean quitting your job but it does mean identifying the unnecessary stresses at work and avoiding the drama queens in the workplace. If you know that crowds are stressful for you then avoid shopping during the busy times.

Lastly disengage with negative people which doesn’t necessarily mean end relationships. Freeing yourself from negativity can be difficult when caregiving for someone with a disability, especially if that disability can increase negativity in the person. You hear people all the time tell you to cut others out of your life. I don’t believe that is a forward thinking solution. Learning to master yourself and limit the interaction (limiting your stress at home) can be difficult and often requires outside support.

Let’s look at some examples.

Now that we know what self care entails let's look at the How To. You want to ensure that this self care doesn’t add to your stress, that would only be counter intuitive. So start off small and celebrate your wins. Specifically I mean that when you are self aware that you are sticking to your self care plan no matter how big or how small the action is, you should FEEL the love for yourself.

Something as easy as having a coffee can be considered self care. Having that coffee while driving to work may not be considered self care. Self care is when you are craving out time for yourself. Being aware of the purpose of just sitting for 20 minutes to drink a cup of coffee (self care) can help alleviate guilt of doing nothing for the 20 minutes but sitting. At first these small things may want to trigger feelings of shame or guilt but with the right mentor and proper training you will be triggered with feelings of love and abundance.

You should get a pen and paper or open up your notes in whatever electronic device you use and start building your own self care list. Remember anything that triggers higher vibration feelings for you can be considered self care. You should feel joy and happiness while practicing self care, however this may not be the case when first starting. Categorizing your self care practices can help long term in getting yourself into the groove.

Look at things that take 5 minutes, 15 minutes to half an hour, an hour or even a day. It might look something like this.

I read somewhere, “When writing the story of YOUR LIFE don’t let anyone else hold the pen!” I hope you get what I’m trying to say here. Start a list of things you enjoy because often when first starting out some caregivers are lost trying to find themselves. Ask yourself, what makes you laugh? What brings a smile to your face? What warms your heart? What opens your heart? What makes you happy? What are you passionate about? What is something that you always dreamed of but never got around to?

Let's talk !!!!! You are my priority in the moment we connect !